I Am Playing Me

A couple of us from the group decided that it was time to bond outside the musical walls of Cap 21. Patrick, one of us four boys, works at a bar on the westside called Eatery and invited us all for drinks there. It was casual, simple and fun. We laughed and gossiped and released the last week and half of work and worries. The night extended to Suki's boyfriend's hang out joint after work. Her boyfriend is a top chef in Manhattan and so, to appease his tastes, this place had great food! I'm the true sense of the word a "starving artist" so I had a few bites from other's dishes. I have no shame. As we sat and indulged in the savory fried rice we started to have topical conversation about one another's lives and what we first thought of one another.

A first impression is one of those things that, once it has happened, you can never get it back. Of course you can have a second and third impression but that first is forever cemented into your being. First impressions are quite serious in our line of business. An audition for a casting director is their first impression of you, a meeting with a potential agent is their first impression of you, the conversation you have with a high profile director at a Gala is their first impression of you and the list continues. At the restaurant we went around the table and spoke the truth as to what our first impressions were of one another.  They were all slightly off and misconstrued considering who the person actually was. Those few moments of conversation seemed so trivial but they are in fact so full of impact.  I've always firmly believed that it doesn't matter who you are, as much as it matters how you're perceived.  If, deep down, I'm a modest and sincere individual but come across as a stuck-up diva then my truth doesn't matter as much, especially considering first impressions. It doesn't matter how nice I think I am, if other's don't see me as nice then who cares what I think? It's very existentialist of me, but we all think we can just be who we want to be but we aren't anything without the consensus of others. For example, Michael Jackson was agreeably one of the most talented people in the world, but if the world didn't agree on that, he could have still had all the moves and the all the music but have just been a performer on the streets of New York. It's an agreed perception that makes people who they are. 

 Impressions are making me realize how important our image truly is. What we convey with our body language and our clothing and our behavioral habits will trigger certain stereotypes in someone else's eyes. They will see the shy and innocent girl instead of the true party animal, or the arrogant New England frat instead of the true sentimental and genuine school boy.  And that is where type comes into play as well. Just because we are something deep down, doesn't mean that our surface and our aura displays that same image. Some one can see me as the charming, sweet, energetic guy, but I could actually be a bitchy, whining, slacker. Yet that doesn't matter, if they ( they: being the industry) see me as those characteristics then that is what I'm going to inhabit in my acting.

 We all want to just be ourselves, but aren't we in this business to be someone else? Don't we want to act and pretend to be something we're not. I love acting because I get to explore parts of life that aren't necessarily in my own. But nonetheless we need to be aware of how we are being perceived, not just by the industry but by our friends and family. It that perception isn't something you want, then unfortunately you need to fix the vibe you're giving off. It can be frustrating and make you feel like you are betraying your sense of self, but just think of it as cleaning out your closet. All those clothes in your closet, you bought them and you wore them, but now some of them aren't working anymore; they don't fit, or you just don't like them, so you have to get rid of them, and go shopping so that when you open that closet and like what you see and like what you wear. That is essentially what you trying to shape when you have to make a first impression. 

Now impressions are two dimensional while humans are not. We are multi-demenstional beings full of pasts, desires and struggles that create an individual so multifaceted that you couldn't possibly fit into a moment of meeting or idle conversation. When it came around for me to share my first impression of Grace, I couldn't really formulate one, I didn't have one. She moped in saying that she was forgettable and I actually disagreed. Yes she didn't lead with a distinctive character but she exhibited an open, simplistic being; a blank slate if you will. She wasn't being constrained by someone's idea of her, she was instead forcing someone to have to get to know her in order to get an idea of who she is. Now neither way is a good or bad way, it is just how the dice fall. Annie on the other hand seemed like a diligent, studious and focused young lady, only to find out that she had a carefree, adventurous and spicy character underneath those sweet dresses and soft smile. Annie's "image" is certainly going to open different doors than Annie's "personality" and so that is what we have to be conscious of when entering the audition room. We are always taught to not judge a book by it's cover, but we can certainly judge it by it's title and our first impression, as actors, is our title. So we better come up with a good one.

"The answer is that we are not helpless in the face of our first impressions. They may bubble up from the unconscious - from behind a locked door inside of our brain - but just because something is outside of awareness doesn't mean it's outside of control." - Malcolm Gladwell 




~ Michael-Anthony 


P.S. Go clean out your closet.

To Be Human Again.

I sat on the subway train curious as to why everyone was turning their heads toward the end of the train. Only to find that they were amused by the unfortunate couple tripping on some drug. At first sight I knew what it was…Heroin. They're bodies were stiff and pale as one rummaged through a bag of supplies but couldn't seem to pick up a single item. I took a glimpse into his bag and inside was a book that read Recovery. The girl, in an even more paraplegic state, wore medical wristbands. Whether the bands were used to define the vein for the needle or she was actually coming out of rehab, I don't know. But I do know, that as disheartening as it was to watch these two float through space with no control of their limbs or mind, it was more disheartening to witness the reaction, or rather lack of reaction, of myself and the other bystanders on the train. Now I believe in taking full accountability for my actions and this couple's choice to use this drug should be no one's burden but their own, but I don't know: It says something about the human race when we take out our digital devices and record such occurrences. We shake our head and laugh at such sights but would never consider helping such troubled individuals. As I sat and watched the train ride unfold of jokes and documentation I became slightly sick and annoyed. Is this what it means to to be human? To be complacent and "above" an other's problems. I thought long and hard as to how this could relate to theater and my life in the arts. In certain pieces of art this unfortunate phenomenon that I discuss is most certainly addressed. However, in our own community of theater I think we have a microcosm of what ensued on the train this evening. 

In my ten plus years in theater, I have noticed that things don't go un-judged.  There are many individuals, who remain nameless, who are so critical and belittling of others just because they don't believe them to be worthy of their time. I believe our peers judge us on our talent, our status and even on our struggles. And there is a huge difference between challenging us and judging us. To challenge is to elicit growth, while to judge is to dismiss and subjectify.  In the theater community, select individuals are afraid to associate themselves with "untalented" people because for some reason that means you too must be of that standard. Instead of accepting people for who they are and the strengths they exude, we extract their weaknesses and lead with those qualities. Why? For a community that is supposed to be so collaborative and creative we certainly limit ourselves to the world and language that we know instead of branching out into the unknown to see what we can learn from someone else different than ourselves. It also breaks down to simple common courtesy. We have even lost that. We have lost the things that bring us together and instead hold on to the things that keep us apart, all the while being fake and phony as to what the real problem is. It irks me that people that I have had class with for 3 plus years and have been in multiple productions with, still don't acknowledge me with a "hello" at a gathering. What is that? How is that human? And that is where we've lost it. Are job as actors is to connect; connect to material, connect to people and connect to ourselves. I don't see why we  should sell ourselves short of any opportunity to connect in our real lives. We all have something to offer and we all have something to learn. The moment we've stifled our voice we've given up on ourselves. The moment we stifle someone else's voice, we've given up on the growth of man kind. It sounds very aloof but at the core it is just that. We can't continue to ignore our surroundings, especially if they are people; Or turn our heads to events, even  the uncomfortable ones.  We have to remain present, engaged and there has to be an amount of empathy and humility in our daily lives. As actors we are portraying humanity and the minute we lose sight on what humanity has the potential to be, we lose our power as artists. I'm a strong believer that we have to show the world what they can be, not what they are. We need to encourage change and growth and more than ever humanity needs a huge reality check. 

I suffer from chronic stage fright in front of small groups especially a group of my peers. I forget words, I lose conciseness of my movements and overall "FREAK OUT!" So I am grateful that I have a great group of professionals that I'm working with in this Practicum. They are hard working, fun and completely supportive of the group and aspects of the program. It is hard to find a group of individuals with the same motivated and focused mind set, so whenever it happens I lead with thanks and appreciation for the phenomenon. Having such an environment aids growth and comfortability, which in return engenders openness and confidence. If all environments could follow suite it would be a recipe for a cure to this lame excuse of a existence, we call, humanity. And hopefully we can all have a good time instead of worrying if we were good enough.  We are ALL good enough. 

“Our inner strengths, experiences, and truths cannot be lost, destroyed, or taken away. Every person has an inborn worth and can contribute to the human community. We all can treat one another with dignity and respect, provide opportunities to grow toward our fullest lives and help one another discover and develop our unique gifts. We each deserve this and we all can extend it to others.” - Unknown

-Michael-Anthony 


P.S.  Do something good for someone that you usually wouldn't. 

Little Things You Do Together

One thing that I really enjoy about life is when you wake up in the morning you really have no idea what the day will bring and how it might change or effect you.  And that phenomenon happens a lot in an actor's world. Today I went to the open call for the In The Heights, non-equity, national tour. Having friends in this industry is by far the most valuable tool any actor can have. My lovely friends, Shanna Richey and Mckenzie Davis, so graciously signed me up on the list at 5:30am in the morning. This couldn't have been any more of a lifesaver. Not only am I pursuing a career in theater, going to as many auditions as I see fit, I'm also working full-time at a restaurant, enrolled in the Cap 21 Practicum program, looking for an overnight job, all the while I just moved into my apartment in Brooklyn last week and I'm maintaing a long distance relationship. Saying things are hectic is huge understatement. Saying I'm overwhelmed and have no time for a good night's sleep is pretty much accurate plus or minus a few adjectives. So the fact that I didn't have to leave my apartment at 6am, to sign up for something that I may or may not succeed in, was a huge weight off my shoulders and I am forever grateful.

For anyone not familiar with the audition process it can be quite complicated. There are Equity (Union) and Non-equity(Non-union) productions. For equity productions, the auditions are conducted by time slots and/or appointments for actor's who belong to the union.  Belonging to the union depends on your experience and your involvement with professional contracted productions. As part of the union you are protected by rules and regulations for your safety and health and are also eligible for health care and other benefits. If you are not part of the union: YOU GET NOTHING! For non-equity productions the auditions are basically a free-for-all playground of people trying to get seen. With no time slots or appointments, us non-union actors must sign-up on a list to secure our audition spot. This becomes difficult when people arrive at the establishment at 5:00 in the morning to make their own list which over the years has evolved into the, "Unofficial List". Once the monitor of the audition arrives, at a normal hour, he/she will ask the actors to transfer their names from the Unofficial List to the Official List. This becomes problematic because those folks that signed up at 5:00 am are now either at home resting or on their way back, but at this point others have already jumped in front of them on the list.  And so since people can't be honest or gracious when transferring that list we are all forced to become skeptical, untrustworthy and bitter about the whole process. And THIS is why people need governing. We obviously can't make a collective decision of how to treat these non-equity auditions so we are left with nothing but the motto: for each their own.  The audition room is full of many different types of people with different backgrounds of training and experience and yet all yearning for their shot at getting the job. Today I realized how human a casting director is. This human sits behind a table for hours and hours and watches actor after actor to try and select the best possible cast for their production. I mean granted, the other end is pretty equalized. We sit around for hours and hours, to audition for less than minute in hopes that we will be called back. If we aren't called back, then unfortunately we wasted hours of our lives, especially if you were there at 5:00 in the morning. Luckily I wasn't one of those people with wasted time on their hands.

I was called back by Joy Dewing of Clemmons/Dewing Casting to read for Sonny and Usnavi. I couldn't believe it actually. I never do. And what's more unbelievable is that I had to rap. Me? Rap? You must be kidding!? Well I had 4 hours and a voice lesson to tackle and solidify the material. And by golly I tackled it. My nerves get the best of me in the audition room so I can't say I solidified the audition but I gave it my best shot. It wasn't quite strong enough for a callback but my goal was just that. A callback means the casting director either liked you, or saw something in you that they wanted to see more of, thus meaning that I'm doing something right. There is a certain refinement that you have to own in the audition room during the call back and I have yet to own it.  But I do own the material and I will keep refining my skills until the next time I'm called in for In the Heights.

Coincidentally Joy Dewing was our guest cast director this evening at Cap 21 and it couldn't have been more complimentary to the rest of my day. This is exactly what this program and this industry is all about: making connections and relationships that you want to sustain and continue throughout your career. Ms. Dewing is such a simple, insightful and real person that was a pleasure to experience and begin a relationship with. It was my encounters with her throughout the day and my overall experience that made me realize that THIS program really isn't about the final product of the showcase. It truly is about the foundations that we are planting with these industry professionals. Even Joy said herself that it is human nature for people to cling and feel comfortable with things that are familiar and we are becoming that something familiar. It is happening.


~ Michael-Anthony

P.S. Friends are everything. 

"I Am What I Am."

"And lose the earring during auditions," Nikole adds to her advice. I mean she IS my advisor. Very nice, very straightforward and truthful; Nikole Vallins, once of Binder Casting, is here to guide me, not only through this program but beyond. She offers me her advice and her opinions on what works, and what doesn't, with my existing package. It strikes me odd that an industry that relies so much on the suspension of disbelief is so fixated on realism and believability. Nonetheless, as our meeting progressed Nikole slowly broke the news that I wasn't going to necessarily be considered for all the roles I had hoped to play. My image and my ethnicity, as broad as it may be, is also very specific. Nikole described me as boyish, charming and sweet which doesn't necessarily fit the same description of Donkey in Shrek or Terk in Tarzan. I squirmed a bit as I sat in the chair and listened to this experienced casting director tell me I have a different road to follow. The little man in your heart wants to throw a tantrum and shout, at the top of his lungs, "YOU'RE WRONG!?"... But is she? Do I exude the grit and rawness that such characters demand? Yes, I might have the talent and the acting chops to portray such a role, but casting directors think, and rightfully so, why get the thing that is pretending, when we can have the actual thing? I'm bringing me into the audition room. Of course I'm making choices and committing fully but overall I'm presenting to the production team who I am and what I have to bring to the table. From there THEY decide where I belong in their production, if I belong at all.

I used to think that having the passion to play certain roles meant that I COULD play those roles, but that isn't the case. "I love the show, I love the music, I love the character, why can't I be in it? Why?" I think it is comparable to the color purple. (Not the musical, or movie, just the color.) You might love purple, it might be your most favorite color, but then you try wearing it and now it's a different story. You might look good in it, (I'm not saying people don't look good in purple) but if you don't, it doesn't mean it isn't still your favorite color. So for me...it's just time to try on a different color.

Now as I continue to audition I'm going to consider the character breakdowns and ask myself, "Am I right for this show?"  Does my natural essence fit into the characters and world of this show? And now I realize, casting directors aren't asked to stretch their imagination; audiences are. It isn't a casting director's job to try to vision me as anything but myself and what I bring to the room. So I'm going to be relaxed, grounded and own the audition room. I'm going to show them how charming and boyish I am. I'm going to show them WHO I am.

Ms. Vallins has me headed in a great direction toward a pop/contemporary sound along with career paths to follow and shows to consider. I'm truly grateful for her time and her expertise.  She is a mentor that I already respect and one that I can be truly honest with. To tell someone, especially a young someone, who they are and what they are perceived as, is a huge burden and responsibility and I believe she did it with grace and clear execution. I still feel in control of my being and my career. I feel empowered and relieved that I don't have to wear any artificial layer to work in this business, I just have to be myself.  You just have to be you.

           "Learn to... be what you are, 
                      and learn to resign
           with a good grace all that you are not." 
                                                         ~Henri Frederic Amiel


~Michael-Anthony


P.S. The 65th Annual Tony Awards are on tomorrow! 

There's No Business Like...

 "Keep the heart out of the art because the business will rip it apart," is how Scott Wojcik of Wojcik-Seay Casting began his business class.  He claims he didn't mean for that to rhyme but it certainly did and it works. The statement also holds very true. Sadly, anything that the world has to offer whether it be a natural resource or a person's talent someone, somewhere, will find a way to make money off of it.  Parks are one of my favorite things and thank goodness there isn't a price tag on those yet.  However there is a monetary value on almost everything else especially entertainment. With the masses yearning for their 5 minutes of fame (I remember when it was 15) it has become a lot harder for a sole individual to "sell" themselves because the next person down the line might not only be able to sing, but sing while doing a hand stand.  At that moment singing takes the backseat and we're now interested in the physical demand of the hand stand instead. Even though you might have invested more time and genuine passion into training for the art of singing, the producer will push you aside because the acrobatic vocalist reads more $$$ dollar signs. This isn't to say one is better than the other, it's just a matter of who will make more money. Now, Scott isn't proposing that we all learn to sing while doing a hand stand. Instead he realistically warns us that we have to put aside our passion and love for the work, for just a moment, while we put on our business caps and start thinking of ways to make ourselves stand out in the crowd without jeopardizing our integrity.

I've always been a rebellious one. I have a problem with authority and am constantly trying to break down walls to get people to understand that a manager or the president, for that matter, is nothing more than a human being like you and I. Of course there are boundaries and levels of respect but on the simplest level, everyone can make mistakes; everyone can be wrong. I lead with the mantra, " Just because that's the way it is, doesn't mean it's the right or best way."  I always yearn to make some sort of change in this brutal bureaucratic world we live in. Yet, a wise friend once explained to me that the only way to make change is from the inside out. He was SO right. I might not like the money-hungry attitudes and the sense of entitlement in this business but the only way to induce a change for the better is to show that I belong and that I too can set my own values and standards of behavior and procedure. Sometimes you DO have to "play by the rules of someone else's game," and then you can actually "Defy Gravity." If only Elphaba knew what I know.

As young actors starting off in this business, we are comparable to a small start-up company, as Jennie Geoffroy explains. As a start up company, we need to brand ourselves and inform the community of what we have to offer. All aspects of ourselves, not just our talent, are things that we need to think about and hone in on when presenting them to the rest of the industry. Everything from our clothing, our headshot, our website; all the way down to our actual email address and the font we use has an impact on the how the industry will perceive our person. The important aspect of all this, is to not be fake and not choose things that you think the people on the other end will like.  Instead be specific to yourself and find what is unique to you. Choose things that you like and believe will show you off the best. If you like you, then they'll like you. However, with any new company, there are tests and evaluations that are to be made before the consumer can be assured that your product will deliver. We have to remember that, as we venture off into this large competitive field, not only do we have to be unique and genuine but also skillful and reliable. We are responsible for ourselves; our brand, and we must make sure that our brand develops an indestructible reputation. We want to be Apple. We want to be Starbucks.

It may all sound daunting and disheartening when we think about the greedy masterminds surrounding theater but our job as actors is to just be as secure and self-knowing as possible so that we can assure those money-making fiends that we have it taken care off. We know who we are, we know what we can offer and we know what we're worth.  At the end of the day, self awareness is the most useful tool to an actor in the business. We can't constantly be trying to earn the approval of every casting director we meet. Instead knowing our capabilities and knowing what we are marketable as will certainly advance us in this crowded fish bowl.

I don't know what the key to success is, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone. - Bill Cosby

~ Michael-Anthony 
P.S.  I don't think I can do a hand stand. 

"I Hope I Get It!"

If today were the day you had to stop dancing, how would you feel?" - A Chorus Line.  How would I feel? This sensation of performing and entertaining has been my center piece on the table since the age of nine when I decided that being a pilot was just too dangerous. Only to find out that the life of musical theater is equally dangerous, if not more. There sits a stage where you stand vulnerable and exposed and  are expected to deliver. But oddly enough that isn't the scariest aspect of theater. For me, it's the journey, the scrutiny and the uncertainty of the whole thing. Our passion begins when we are young and we are applauded and recognized for our talent. Being dispersed in the world, we grow in our separate areas to become the "Leading Man" or the "Diva" of our high school or community theater. We cling to this attention and desire it to continue. It becomes adrenaline, an addiction and strangely enough a comfort to us. So naturally we want to pursue that feeling further and incorporate it into our everyday lives. And to get paid? SIGN ME UP! Our family, friends and teachers, even though supportive and celebratory, warn us of the low probability factor of succeeding in such a subjective field, but we rebuttal with a big bright smile and say, "I know, but I have to try." And even at that adolescent age, with puberty and nativity at full force, we couldn't have been more right.

Photography by Sam Kahn

I'm Michael-Anthony. I write to you to express my feelings and outlook on my personal journey to a career in musical theater. I don't know where I'm headed or what the future beholds but I'm ready for an adventure and I'm taking you along. Since graduating college last year I've had the pleasure of working with Kevin Spacey in London on a showcase at the Old Vic Theater. After that short endeavor I was offered an 8-month performing contract with Royal Caribbean Cruises as a lead vocalist. I returned to New York last month and just finished a reading of the musical Go West, about the Village People, wherein I portrayed the Indian. It has its sights on Broadway. fingers crossed. I'm currently enrolled in the CAP 21's  professional practicum program which concludes with a showcase for the industry in the fall.


The Collaborative Arts Project 21 (CAP 21) is a conservatory that annually trains 400 performers in acting, vocal performance, dance and more. Once affiliated with the prestigious NYU, it has become a world renown program. I am proud to be a graduate and join the many others, notably some being; Matthew Morrison, Natalie Cortez, Jenn Gambatese, Nikki James, Kristen Bell, Anne Hathaway, and of course I must mention, Lady Gaga. The Practicum is unique and unlike any other in the country and that is a fact. In this program we learn how to understand and market ourselves to get cast professionally. For three months we train in audition technique, business etiquette, networking, voice, acting, dance and on-camera work. All the while meeting and conversing with directors, producers, agents and other industry professionals to not only learn from them, but to also begin and build a relationship with them. These Broadway professionals are essentially here to help us and guide us through this treacherous industry of money, beauty and vanity to come through, successfully, on the other end and still be an unique, grounded and confident individual. My personal goal is to get through this with a full head of hair.

But why do we do this? Why do we put our selves through such ridicule and hardship in hopes that on the other end there is acceptance and reward? Well, it isn't a hard question to answer folks. Everyone, on some sort of scale, endures hardship in hopes of salvation. It is the human condition. Our passion for musical theater or performance is no different than our longing for a companion. We search and we date and we evaluate and get heart broken and cheated on and confused, all in hopes that one day we might find the one that we can spend the rest of our lives with.  And unfortunately, with the statistics in this day in age, finding and securing that sacred bond is also on the low end of the probability scale. Yet we still pursue it. No matter how torturous and how cruel the audition room or the non-eq call may be, we stick it out because we long for that connection that we have with theater. That connection is what the musical A Chorus Line is all about. Nineteen dancers open up about their lives and what led them to dance. Dance is healing and serves as a companion to them in times of need.  Performing isn't just a job or a career, it's a relationship. But even once on the stage that relationship is still a struggle. There is a struggle to stay in the lime light. A struggle to remain true to your craft and quite frankly a struggle to remain the best possible version of yourself, both skillfully and morally.  In relationships, we fight and we argue and we strike hard times but, if that love is real and true then we'll work it out.  Diana responds, "But I can't regret what I did for love." At the end of the day we are pursing this monster of a dream because we love it and no one said love was easy. I only hope, for all of us, that we keep that initial feeling that we had at our innocent youthful age of discovery. The butterflies in our stomach, the hope in our hearts and the sparkle in our eyes as we declared proudly, "I want to be an actor."

    "The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it." - Moliere 


~ Michael-Anthony 



P.S. We have to try.