"I Am What I Am."

"And lose the earring during auditions," Nikole adds to her advice. I mean she IS my advisor. Very nice, very straightforward and truthful; Nikole Vallins, once of Binder Casting, is here to guide me, not only through this program but beyond. She offers me her advice and her opinions on what works, and what doesn't, with my existing package. It strikes me odd that an industry that relies so much on the suspension of disbelief is so fixated on realism and believability. Nonetheless, as our meeting progressed Nikole slowly broke the news that I wasn't going to necessarily be considered for all the roles I had hoped to play. My image and my ethnicity, as broad as it may be, is also very specific. Nikole described me as boyish, charming and sweet which doesn't necessarily fit the same description of Donkey in Shrek or Terk in Tarzan. I squirmed a bit as I sat in the chair and listened to this experienced casting director tell me I have a different road to follow. The little man in your heart wants to throw a tantrum and shout, at the top of his lungs, "YOU'RE WRONG!?"... But is she? Do I exude the grit and rawness that such characters demand? Yes, I might have the talent and the acting chops to portray such a role, but casting directors think, and rightfully so, why get the thing that is pretending, when we can have the actual thing? I'm bringing me into the audition room. Of course I'm making choices and committing fully but overall I'm presenting to the production team who I am and what I have to bring to the table. From there THEY decide where I belong in their production, if I belong at all.

I used to think that having the passion to play certain roles meant that I COULD play those roles, but that isn't the case. "I love the show, I love the music, I love the character, why can't I be in it? Why?" I think it is comparable to the color purple. (Not the musical, or movie, just the color.) You might love purple, it might be your most favorite color, but then you try wearing it and now it's a different story. You might look good in it, (I'm not saying people don't look good in purple) but if you don't, it doesn't mean it isn't still your favorite color. So for me...it's just time to try on a different color.

Now as I continue to audition I'm going to consider the character breakdowns and ask myself, "Am I right for this show?"  Does my natural essence fit into the characters and world of this show? And now I realize, casting directors aren't asked to stretch their imagination; audiences are. It isn't a casting director's job to try to vision me as anything but myself and what I bring to the room. So I'm going to be relaxed, grounded and own the audition room. I'm going to show them how charming and boyish I am. I'm going to show them WHO I am.

Ms. Vallins has me headed in a great direction toward a pop/contemporary sound along with career paths to follow and shows to consider. I'm truly grateful for her time and her expertise.  She is a mentor that I already respect and one that I can be truly honest with. To tell someone, especially a young someone, who they are and what they are perceived as, is a huge burden and responsibility and I believe she did it with grace and clear execution. I still feel in control of my being and my career. I feel empowered and relieved that I don't have to wear any artificial layer to work in this business, I just have to be myself.  You just have to be you.

           "Learn to... be what you are, 
                      and learn to resign
           with a good grace all that you are not." 
                                                         ~Henri Frederic Amiel


~Michael-Anthony


P.S. The 65th Annual Tony Awards are on tomorrow!