[ Title of Blog ]: To Be Human Again.

I sat on the subway train curious as to why everyone was turning their heads toward the end of the train. Only to find that they were amused by the unfortunate couple tripping on some drug. At first sight I knew what it was…Heroin. They're bodies were stiff and pale as one rummaged through a bag of supplies but couldn't seem to pick up a single item. I took a glimpse into his bag and inside was a book that read Recovery. The girl, in an even more paraplegic state, wore medical wristbands. Whether the bands were used to define the vein for the needle or she was actually coming out of rehab, I don't know. But I do know, that as disheartening as it was to watch these two float through space with no control of their limbs or mind, it was more disheartening to witness the reaction, or rather lack of reaction, of myself and the other bystanders on the train. Now I believe in taking full accountability for my actions and this couple's choice to use this drug should be no one's burden but their own, but I don't know: It says something about the human race when we take out our digital devices and record such occurrences. We shake our head and laugh at such sights but would never consider helping such troubled individuals. As I sat and watched the train ride unfold of jokes and documentation I became slightly sick and annoyed. Is this what it means to to be human? To be complacent and "above" an other's problems. I thought long and hard as to how this could relate to theater and my life in the arts. In certain pieces of art this unfortunate phenomenon that I discuss is most certainly addressed. However, in our own community of theater I think we have a microcosm of what ensued on the train this evening.

In my ten plus years in theater, I have noticed that things don't go un-judged. There are many individuals, who remain nameless, who are so critical and belittling of others just because they don't believe them to be worthy of their time. I believe our peers judge us on our talent, our status and even on our struggles. And there is a huge difference between challenging us and judging us. To challenge is to elicit growth, while to judge is to dismiss and subjectify. In the theater community, select individuals are afraid to associate themselves with "untalented" people because for some reason that means you too must be of that standard. Instead of accepting people for who they are and the strengths they exude, we extract their weaknesses and lead with those qualities. Why? For a community that is supposed to be so collaborative and creative we certainly limit ourselves to the world and language that we know instead of branching out into the unknown to see what we can learn from someone else different than ourselves. It also breaks down to simple common courtesy. We have even lost that. We have lost the things that bring us together and instead hold on to the things that keep us apart, all the while being fake and phony as to what the real problem is. It irks me that people that I have had class with for 3 plus years and have been in multiple productions with, still don't acknowledge me with a "hello" at a gathering. What is that? How is that human? And that is where we've lost it. Are job as actors is to connect; connect to material, connect to people and connect to ourselves. I don't see why we should sell ourselves short of any opportunity to connect in our real lives. We all have something to offer and we all have something to learn. The moment we've stifled our voice we've given up on ourselves. The moment we stifle someone else's voice, we've given up on the growth of man kind. It sounds very aloof but at the core it is just that. We can't continue to ignore our surroundings, especially if they are people; Or turn our heads to events, even the uncomfortable ones. We have to remain present, engaged and there has to be an amount of empathy and humility in our daily lives. As actors we are portraying humanity and the minute we lose sight on what humanity has the potential to be, we lose our power as artists. I'm a strong believer that we have to show the world what they can be, not what they are. We need to encourage change and growth and more than ever humanity needs a huge reality check.

I suffer from chronic stage fright in front of small groups especially a group of my peers. I forget words, I lose conciseness of my movements and overall "FREAK OUT!" So I am grateful that I have a great group of professionals that I'm working with in this Practicum. They are hard working, fun and completely supportive of the group and aspects of the program. It is hard to find a group of individuals with the same motivated and focused mind set, so whenever it happens I lead with thanks and appreciation for the phenomenon. Having such an environment aids growth and comfortability, which in return engenders openness and confidence. If all environments could follow suite it would be a recipe for a cure to this lame excuse of a existence, we call, humanity. And hopefully we can all have a good time instead of worrying if we were good enough. We are ALL good enough.

“Our inner strengths, experiences, and truths cannot be lost, destroyed, or taken away. Every person has an inborn worth and can contribute to the human community. We all can treat one another with dignity and respect, provide opportunities to grow toward our fullest lives and help one another discover and develop our unique gifts. We each deserve this and we all can extend it to others.” - Unknown